Hold me.....

When I fall, catch me....
When I cry, feel my sorrow....

I need you to be with me....
I might need you when I cry....
I might need you when my life has no meaning....

I need you to teach me that there is more in life....
I need you to calm the storm in me....

I need you to soothe my emotions....
I dont believe in angels.... I dont believe in God....

I need you to help me believe in me....

I need you to break the walls around me....
I need you to come and feel the heat in my fears....
Trapped within me for long....

I have a monster trapped within me....
My shoes are clean but my feet arent....
My eyes are clean.... but my vision is still blurred....

My words have been bottled so long....

Thanks to my past... I have a reason to stand tall even today....
My pillars in my wall around me are strong....
Those pillars are my past... My wound is now no longer raw....

Questions in my mind


I see someone walking
What life does he lead?
How different lives we have
But still we get to meet

So many fears hidden behind…..
Those eyes that seem to stare
Deep into the what lies beyond
His family & friends who care…;

My road has taken me far
But I still look back once a while
Startled at how rapid things move
I’ve covered several miles…….

So many men long forgotten
& so many have departed
Tears shed & smiles bloomed
When a new life had also started

This life is too long…….
Too long to remember everyone
We don’t try to stop & see
Things shared & done

How busy is our life
How rapid is the beat
How much our road has changed?
Into a busy congested street

In that crowd as I meet him
I think a parallel thought
Will this person be with me?
What has fate now brought?

Will I remember u always?
Or are you just a passerby
Who enters my life for a small period?
& abandons me in this land so dry……….

COME...........

Come and think oh passerby,
with me as we always go......
right where others have always gone.
Now and years before......


Can we not find a new road?......
A road not yet defined......
Into a forest of new relationships,
With no trouble on your mind.


If such be a parallel road,
That had once been taken ......
By a man as me.....
who failed to show others
what is was like, before...... but
now we can find it , cant we?


A road long forgotten,
For the man never returned,
did he reach his destiny......
or was he not ever heard?


So we dont know what happened,
But does it necessarily mean failure?
Could he not have reached a better place.....
than what our road leads us here?


But even if it was a loss,
why not try it my friend.....
If we can all go together....
courage we can one another lend.....


So think again, all io said,
and let your men know too.....
there lies a road that we must take......
that has been taken by very few......


Years have gone by.....
but they still ponder....
if its right or very wrong.....
but they lack the curiosity
to see what lies beyond.....


If such be their thought....
I decided to wait no more.....
I shall find it myself,
Even if my soul it tore.


I went on & on.....
but no one but me knows where i am,
yet I see someone come .....
to that place where years ago i stopped....
stopped & wondered of this mysterious road.....
A road maybe he'll also take up.....................

THE FORT........


There are no doors ,
the wind blows in
taking away my soul ,
as a reward for my sin.........


My eyes see darkness ,
for there is no light........
I have no faith that
they'd return my sight........


Feeling my way through.....
I realised its not simple,
To make way alone........
to my star that twinkles.....


So I lay still on the way,
Waiting for someone to give me support,
But even as years passed.....
I found noone who could build my fort......


The moat around me ......
prevented ant entry
Stopped any stranger from coming in,
But later i felt it was not right,
to not let even a helper
come and help me win......


So then I waited for more years,
So i could find someone I could trust,
But they did not stop for me.....
for they thought I was bad within & on the crust.....


This went on for a long time,
But I did not want to justify truth,
For I had made a mistake then,
For which I now reap my fruit......


Then.... only a few years ago,
Swept by me a pleasant miracle,
Someone who had passed by me long ago,
Returned & though I could reach a pinnacle......


Not knowing me ..... but with blind faith,
Gave me courage & support I needed most,
to accomplish what was destined for me,
across the violent seas to the coast.....


So with great impetus,
I geared my way through,
Its amazing what support can do......
with someone always at the back of you......


There was always a new challenge,
for nothing could satisfy me.....
But I anon learnt with experience......
success lies in how you see.


But even as I passed many men,
none seemed to have made the error I made,
Is that why they reched their goals......
so early & me so late?..................

My rapturous mood became dampened and overcast with dull grey clouds. I could feel the chocolate ice cream melt down my hand. Across the street, on the other side..... a sight I dint want my eyes to percolate..... a tiny little puppy clenched to a dirty rag...... lay by the gutter. Its hind leg had been terribly crushed. Its femur bone was almost exposed and the poor thing lay cold in a pitiable condition...... dead?.... alive?....
I've only seen puppies seen run about and play..... jumping with their flappy ears bouncing. Beauty of any living creature enhances only when it is in motion.... puppies running about trying to catch colourful butterflies......but this puny pup came across what was not destined for it. My heart wept ...... I felt like racing down to it.... to do something ...... but I could'nt....... My dad and I were waiting in a queue...... he carried me as we waited to enter the polio patients room............................

I lay in my room..... alone..... with guilt building in my heart..... but no tears rising in my eyes..... with sadness..... with self pity......
I am here...... Ive crossed oceans, rivers, mountains, land, countries......but not hearts...... I loved my house, trees, the sun, the streams....... but not life...... Ive felt anger, joy, happiness....... but not pain......Ive seen men, money, material, myself......but not the magic in the eyes...... Ive been existing..... not liveng......
Ive not been of ant true worth.......seventy years later I feel this......Now I feel pain....I want to cross hearts...... I want to start again...... a new begining I need...... but that shall not be granted to me...... nor to anyone......
Noone has come to visit me...... to shower love on me...... to forget all that I have been...... to bid me goodbye with a smile...... to send me to heaven with tears in their eyes.................................

WHY?................


I can feel fire within me....... melting my frozen veins...... I can feel the curtain of tears....... blurring my distant image........ I can feel my fingers turn numb...... they crack my nails...... I can hear only myself,not a neighbours cry...... I can breathe joy, when there is only agony around me.......I stand and walk steadily when I should ve been on my knees...... I can feel my heart pounding with revenge...... I see things only the way I want to see them....... I have lost faith...... I was not like this before....... Where did this wall erupt from?...... why has this blizzard of hatred, this hurricane of mistrust, this flood of betrayal swept past me?......... I can see the hands of the clock move rapidly...... I can feel the sun rise & set behind me..... I can see the footsteps on the sands of time disappear...... Why all this?...... Why the transformation?...... Why did I grow up?...............................